Sara sat frozen in her seat. The bell had rung three minutes ago. Third period would be starting in five minutes. She should be on her way to English class, but she couldn’t move. She had been in a daze through most of second period. Sara had never had a real interest in American History, but there was no way she could have paid attention today even if she’d wanted to. “They’re going to bust so many people,” Sara had heard a classmate barely whisper just at the start of second period. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew she didn’t do anything worth being busted for so she wasn’t initially concerned. About ten minutes later, Julie, one of the friendlier students at Mountainside High, had slipped her a note: LOCKER RAID TODAY. And Sara had been frozen ever since.
Going out into the hallway was not an option. She kept imagining the principal standing by her locker, waiting for her to show up. What would she say? Would he know what he was looking at if he found it? The hallways got louder, then quieter. And still, Sara sat. How would she explain it? Was there any way to explain what she had been doing? Her already pale skin was ghostly white at this point. She wanted nothing more than to disappear.
Students began coming in for their third period class. Sara knew that she would have to move at some point. Her teachers and classmates barely noticed her throughout the day, but surely her teacher would realize that she had just sat through this class last period. “I heard some kid had a gun in his locker,” she heard one guy say. “No, they didn’t actually say ‘gun’ but they did find a weapon,” another student corrected him. “They’re looking for drugs like they always are. They do this like twice a semester because they keep finding weed in the bathrooms,” said another girl who sounded bored with the whole situation, “they’ve already walked the dogs through the halls.”
“Drugs,” Sara whispered to herself. She finally got up and walked out the door just as the bell was alerting her that she was officially late for third period. Her breathing was slowing back to normal. No one would ever think to dig through her things for drugs. Besides, they would only open the lockers that the dogs went crazy over. She was in the clear. Her secret was safe. Maybe she would survive the last few months of sophomore year after all.
Halfway through third period, Sara had finally relaxed. There was a sub today, which basically meant a free period with a movie playing in the background. The rest of the day was uneventful. By the time the dismissal bell was ringing, Sara was smiling to herself as she walked towards the exit for the buses. Her smile faded as she heard the assistant principal, Mr. Moore, call her name from the hallway to her right. Her eyes filled with tears when she turned and saw her parents, and one of the counselors, standing with him.
Once they arrived in his office, Mr. Moore placed a small plastic bag that included a few razor blades and broken shards of hard plastic on his desk. Sara looked down at the ground. Mr. Moore was explaining that the locker checks were not just for drugs this morning. They were doing a general sweep due to the number of reported thefts, drug use, and other “concerns.” Ms. Stanton, the counselor, took over the conversation but Sara only heard bits and pieces like, “reported concerns from teachers,” “depressed mood,” and “isolation.” She didn’t look back up until her mother asked her to roll up sleeves. Sara turned bright red as they gasped at the slashes on her forearms, some of the cuts were as fresh as this morning.
Sara was mortified, but also relieved. She had wanted to tell her parents for months. She was careful about the cuts in the beginning, only cutting behind her knees or on her thighs, but now they were all over her arms too. It was getting worse and she knew it, but she could never find the words to tell them how she was feeling. She would have no choice now, she thought, they’d all have to sit down and really talk to each other now that it was out in the open. Her mother was the first to speak and interrupt her thoughts. “Don’t worry, Honey. We’ve found a place for you,” her mother said. Sara’s head snapped back up. “You found a what?” she asked. Her mother held up a pamphlet. “Mountain View Institution,” her mother continued with tears in her eyes, “we’ve all decided that it’s best to nip this in the bud as soon as possible.” Sara’s dad rubbed her shoulder before stating, “we only want the best for you. We’re going to check you in this evening.”
Sara let the tears fall freely down her face as she realized that they didn’t want to talk it out. They wanted to lock her away instead.
Written By: SM Grady
© SM Grady
