The next morning Shena woke up with the same nagging feeling that while she was falling for Derek, she was also falling into danger. Derek was already up, and in the bathroom, so she laid there and tried to figure out why she was suddenly feeling so hesitant. She heard a buzzing sound. He had left his phone on the nightstand. She thought about how easy it would be to get some answers if she went through his phone. If those rumors at work were true, surely there would be proof in his phone that he and his ex were back together.

Her eyes darted back and forth between the hallway, and Derek’s phone on the nightstand. Just then, her phone buzzed. It was her best friend, Erica, probably calling on her way to work because she was stuck in traffic. She couldn’t talk as freely as she’d like with Derek just down the hall, so she decided not to answer. Besides, that call was enough to bring her back to her senses. She remembered all the drama Erica had recently been through after going through her boyfriend’s phone. If she was going to get answers, she wanted to get them the right way. She made up her mind to talk to Derek later that night.

Derek came back into the room a few minutes later with nothing but his boxers on. Shena let her eyes linger over his body for a few seconds longer than usual, which is something she would have never done just a few short months ago. She used to be so shy, especially when it came to expressing her sexual desires, but Derek seemed to be on a mission to erase her timidness. He smiled at her, more of a sly grin really, and she blushed and turned away. She was slowly becoming more comfortable, but she wasn’t completely there. She blushed all the way to the bathroom.

Shena was still in deep thought in the shower when she heard the bathroom door open. “I’m going to head out soon, but I want to talk to you,” Derek said as he came closer to the shower.

“Oh, I can get out,” Shena started, but Derek cut her off as he opened the shower door.

“No need,” he said as he entered the shower and bent down to kiss her.

“I know we’re both busy all the time, and sometimes it feels like we only have these stolen moments together, but anytime I’m with you is the best part of my day,” Derek said while kissing her neck.

“Really?” Shena asked, “because I was planning on talking to you about something also. I don’t know what, but something seems off.”

Derek leaned back and looked her in the eyes. “Before you say anything else, let me tell you that I know the rumors are still going around. My ex came into the store again, and I went outside to talk to her. Mostly to avoid her starting any drama at my job. Of course, some people saw us and you know how they are up there. So bored with their own lives that they create stories about other people. With everything I’ve got going on, you’re the only one I’m making time to see,” Derek finished.

“So there’s no truth to it?” Shena asked, not wanting to leave anything up to her interpretation. “You’re not back with your ex?”

“I’m not back with my ex,” Derek answered. “Anything else bothering you?” he asked.

Shena thought about asking him exactly what was going on between them. Was it just sex? It didn’t seem to be. Were they exclusively dating? Although they had both agreed not to have any other sexual partners while they were involved with each other, she knew they weren’t exactly in a relationship.

“I just want to spend more time with you. I want to give this a real chance, see where it goes,” she finally said.

“And we will,” Derek said as he kissed her, deeply this time, “I promise.” He made love to her, slowly, whispering promises in her ear. Neither of them even realized when the water started to run cold.

The next few weeks were a little rough on both of them. After Derek had promised that they would spend more time together, Shena actually had less free time as she crammed for finals. They only saw each other a few times outside of work, and the last time, Derek had told her that he wouldn’t be able to come to her graduation party. He had some family obligations that weekend, and he couldn’t get out of it. Shena was disappointed at first, but then she felt relieved. She wanted him there of course, but at the same time, she wasn’t ready for all the questions that his presence would bring. She hadn’t brought any guys around to meet her family since high school, so she knew if were to come there would be a million questions about their relationship. She wasn’t sure if they were ready for that. She didn’t even really know the status of their relationship except that they were committed to finding more time for each other, which they had promised would happen the week after her graduation. The month of May was going to be a fresh start for them.

The graduation ceremony flew by in a blur, which was amazing considering how long the speeches were. Shena was proud of herself, and happy to be surrounded by her friends and family, but she couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. When she finally made it home that night, there was a package waiting outside her door. She had been receiving graduation gifts from her out-of-state family members all week, but usually they were cards with checks or cash inside, this was the first large package she had received. She unwrapped the package carefully to find a collection of books by one of her favorite authors from her childhood. She had three large book cases in her apartment, filled with books that she had collected over the years, but after she moved this last time she seemed to have misplaced a box of books. Including the ones written by Judy Blume. Shena smiled as she realized that the only person that knew her books were missing was Derek. She reached for the card, but the words were blurry through her watery eyes. She was touched by the thoughtfulness of his gift and couldn’t wait to see him.

Shena spent the week after graduation relaxing. She had rewarded herself with some much-needed time off work, and she did everything from having a spa day, to lunch and drinks with friends, to binge watching entire seasons of shows on Netflix, to re-reading some of her favorite books. Everything, it seemed, except see Derek. They had spoken several times, but the more she pressed for him to come over or meet her out for drinks, the more he seemed to pull back. After the promises he made, and the thoughtful graduation gift, she was more confused than ever by the distance. By the time Saturday morning rolled around, her last vacation day, she had given up on seeing him. So, on Saturday afternoon when he sent a text saying that he would be free that evening, she ignored it. She went out to dinner with her best friend and tried to push him to the back of her mind.

As she was headed home from dinner, Shena received another text from Derek: I’m outside. That was weird. He had never shown up uninvited before. When she pulled into the parking lot, he walked over from his car parked two spaces down. He seemed different. He had a cold look in his eyes, and he hadn’t flashed his charming smile at all. The hug he gave her as a greeting felt forced. She invited him in anyway, but he declined.

“So you came over here, but you don’t want to come in? What’s going on, D?” Shena asked.

Derek closed his eyes for a moment before he responded, “I think we need to back off for a little while.”

Shena didn’t say a word, so Derek continued, “I might have given you mixed signals.”

“Understatement of the year,” Shena responded. They were both quiet for a few minutes. It felt like forever.

“Look, I like you. A lot. I’m just not looking for a serious relationship right now, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like that’s what this was turning into. We can still see each other from time to time but…,” Derek was finishing his sentence when Shena began walking away.

“See you at work,” she said over her shoulder. Tears filled her eyes as she let herself into her apartment.

The next few weeks at work, were awkward. It was almost the middle of June before Shena stopped leaving a room every time Derek entered it. She didn’t know how to go back to just being his co-worker, and she wished like hell she would have followed her first instincts and had never gotten involved with him. She was angry with him, and confused, but mostly she was lonely. Without school to distract her, she had much more free time at her place, and it seemed empty without him coming by every couple of days.

Shena was walking out to her car one night after work, when Derek ran after her. “We’ve gotta stop meeting like this,” he tried to open with a joke. Shena looked at up at him briefly before opening her car door to get inside. He closed it gently and pulled her hand off the door handle. Shena sighed.

“I know, I know. I’m an asshole. I really am. But hear me out. Please?” Derek asked.

Shena didn’t say anything, but she also didn’t leave, so Derek continued.

“I had a lot going on, I still have a lot going on, but I was starting to get overwhelmed. The truth is, I got scared. My feelings for you were getting stronger, and I wasn’t in a place to deal with them at that time,” Derek said.

“What’s changed? It’s been like 6 weeks,” Shena realized she sounded exhausted as she responded to him. This whole thing was draining her.

Derek didn’t miss a beat before answering her, “I realize that it’s not going away. You were right when you said that we should give this a real chance. Will you give me another shot?”

To Be Continued.

Written By: SM Grady

© 2018 SM Grady