You want an explanation.
You can’t move on without it. You don’t understand how I did.
Your feelings from that night are still raw, you still feel exposed.
It happened so fast. Too fast, in your opinion.
One minute we were arguing, and the next thing you knew I was packing my bags.
I left abruptly.
I had to – before I lost the courage to go.

But that wasn’t the day you lost me.

We were hanging on by a thread.
Our lifeline was composed of stubbornness, fear, and resignation.
Love had seeped out through the cracks a long time ago.
Remnants of it lurked in the shadows, begging to be seen – to be remembered.

The memories became our downfall.
At least, that was it for me.
I couldn’t continue what we were doing, knowing what we once were.
The day I left was the day that I realized that we weren’t fighting – I was fighting myself.
I was trying to propel us forward. I was trying to gain back the momentum we once had.
You were content standing still.

But that wasn’t the day you lost me.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time.
I don’t know when goodbye kisses became nothing more than a habit for you.
When cuddling became a nuisance, and quality time became a chore.
I don’t know exactly when you grew tired of talking to me.
When you stopped sharing your goals, and no longer cared to hear mine.
You’re the only one who knows for sure when you gave up.
When you chose not to stoke the fire, but let it smolder instead.

That was when you lost me.

Written By: S.M. Grady

© 2019 S.M. Grady

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