Some days, you’re content to color all over your highchair tray, while I work in ten-minute chunks. 
Other days, you follow me around the house while I try to complete various tasks. Dragging your chair behind you. Prepared to plop down in front of the kitchen and wait patiently for me to load the dishwasher or clean the countertops. 
And then, there are days like today. 
When I try to sit you on the bathroom counter to brush your teeth and you wrap your legs around my waist instead. 
When you cry at the top of your lungs every time I step into the kitchen, making it impossible for me to prepare a meal.
When you pull at my legs as I dump the dirty clothes into the washing machine.
When you wail at the sight of my laptop.
“Mommy, sit!” You pat the sofa emphatically. 
“Mommy, no!” When I get up to check an email. 
“Mommy, wait! Sit! Sit!” When the washer dings, and it’s time to move the clothes to the dryer.
“I’ve been sitting! You just want Mommy to sit here and not move?”
“Yes!”
The relief on your face when I finally get it stops me in my tracks. 
You need me to be still today. 
For reasons that you can’t explain yet. Because of a feeling you may never be able to name. You need me to sit down and let everything else wait. 
My initial frustration passes, and I’m sorry that it took me so long to understand.
I know these days won’t last long. Days where I have the power to make everything right in your world with such a simple gesture. Days when I am all you need.
“Okay. Mommy will sit.”
You crawl into my lap and smile as I wipe the tears away. 
Almost instantly, you jump down to run & grab a toy. You turn around to make sure I haven’t moved. But I’m keeping to my word. I’m sitting here, waiting for you.
You jump up and down with joy and bring one block back with you. Your back rests on my chest as you turn the small toy over and over in your hand. Suddenly, you sit up straight and turn to kiss me on the cheek. 
Today, this is all you need. 

-S.M. Grady

May 16, 2023

*21 months