1) Not all women want to have children. That’s right, this is not every woman’s life goal. Not that it would be any of your business either way, but these interrogation sessions rarely start with a question of whether or not I want to have children. Which would be understandable, if the questions were from people that I knew and had meaningful relationships with. Sometimes, it’s a new coworker, a doctor, or even a random person at a gathering who notices my ring and then feels compelled to let me know that I had “better not wait too long.” If you’re that excited about kids, just show me some pictures of your children doing every day, mundane things, and we’ll “ooo” and “aww” and keep it moving.

2) It may not be that simple. Full Disclosure: I have no idea if I will have an easy pregnancy, simply because I’ve never tried to get pregnant. But you also don’t know if I can easily get pregnant, carry a child, and have a safe delivery. There are many women who silently struggle with fertility issues and have to listen to the endless, insensitive questioning of their friends and family. “What’s taking so long? What are you waiting for? Don’t wait too long.” They may not feel comfortable enough to tell you that they’ve been trying desperately with no success, but every time you ask those questions (which is every time you talk to them), it’s like a dagger to the heart.

3) You won’t be taking any responsibility for this child. I am a full-grown adult, so it makes perfect sense that the only people responsible for this child would be myself and my husband. It also makes perfect sense that the only people who get to decide when this child will come about, are the two people who will be responsible for it. Yes, it is very cute and sweet that you want a grandchild, nephew, cousin, godchild, or whatever. However, this child has to be cared for 365 days a year, not just the few times a year that it’s convenient for you to visit.

4) Timing. Yes, I am very well aware that, “there’s no perfect time to have a baby.” If for some reason I was not aware of this, many people (strangers included) have informed me of this in recent years. I do, however think that it is quite irresponsible to have a child that you are in no way prepared to care for financially. Or when you are not mentally prepared for your entire life to change forever. This is a role that is never going to end. I can’t decide in 5 or 25 years that I’m over this whole “mom” thing. Maybe I’d like some more time to wrap my head around that.

5) It’s invasive. If a woman has not spoken to you about the reasons she’s waiting to have children, or maybe does not want any children, then it’s none of your business. This is a personal decision, and sometimes a personal struggle, that not every woman wants to discuss with every person they talk to.

-Just a thought

Written By: SM Grady

© 2017 SM Grady