Cedric was surprisingly calm this morning. The fear that he thought would come rushing back to him, the same fear that overtook him the day of his sentencing, was nonexistent. He almost thought that maybe he had the date wrong, but no, today was the day. Twenty years after being convicted of a murder that he didn’t commit, Cedric was scheduled to be executed today.

He had spent the first seven years desperately trying to get his conviction over-turned, but eventually he’d stopped fighting. He had accepted that this was his fate, and had gone about the rest of his life trying to be a better person for the limited amount of time he had left. His wife, Linda, had never given up on him and she had made sure that he was able to build a relationship with their daughter. Ashley was only four when Cedric began serving time, so him being in prison was all she had ever really known. It killed him to have his wife and daughter see him locked up like an animal, but there were also some months that looking forward to their visits had been the only thing keeping him alive.

Cedric looked at the letters he had sealed last night. He had written letters to his wife and daughter, and the journals he had been keeping would also be handed over to them. He had one more letter to write, and he had gone back and forth about it for the last week. If he were honest, he’d gone back and forth about it for the past thirteen years. The day that he had accepted his fate, was the day that he had faced what he had done.

He had never admitted to the murder of the young woman that he was to be executed for, because he truly had not committed the crime. He had been in the club at the same time as the woman, and from a few eye witness testimonies a case had been built against him. But they were wrong. He had not killed that woman, and he had no idea who did. He was not innocent though, and he intended to write out his confession.

Twenty five years ago, he had assaulted a girl. And that had been a death in its own rite. She was his niece, by marriage, and she had only been eleven years old when he did it. Cedric choked back vomit as he thought about it. At 58 years old, the man that he had become was absolutely disgusted at the person he was then. He needed to write a letter, not asking for her forgiveness, but owning up to what he did.

The girl had told, but no one believed her, and looking back that was probably the worst part for her. Even back then in his relief that he was not going to be found out, guilt had eaten away at him, and he couldn’t ignore the damage he had done. In the five years before he had ended up in prison, he had seen her from time to time at large family functions. She had avoided him like the plague of course, but he had still seen the damage. He saw what speaking up and having no one believe her had done to her. The light had faded from her eyes, and she could barely conceal the hatred in them as she stood just on edge of all the activities…just far enough away not to have to hear people whispering about her.

Over the years, Cedric had come to the realization that the death of her innocence was equal to a loss of life. He imagined that she had walked through life alone, never fully trusting anyone…never allowing anyone to get too close again. He could at least do this for her. He could never take back what he did, but he could at least admit to it and let everyone know that she had not made the whole thing up. It was next to nothing, but it was all he had to offer.

He was a coward and he knew it. It was only now that he was facing his own death and would never have to look his wife in the eyes after she knew, that he was able to own up to it. Cedric said a prayer and began writing his confession. One page. That was all the worse act in his life had amounted to. Before he could talk himself out of it, he sealed the last envelope and placed them all in a box with the rest of his belongings.

Hours passed like seconds, and before he knew it he was being walked out of his cell and to the last room that he would ever see. His entire body trembled as they strapped him down and he saw the needles sitting off to the side. Death by lethal injection. He had known for years, but there was no way that anyone could ever prepare for this. Sweat dripped down his face, and his heart was beating so fast he thought he would die of a heart attack before they had a chance to kill him.

Now, seconds passed like hours. After what seemed like an eternity since his arms were strapped down, a window was opened in front of him and he could see his wife and daughter in the viewing area. He was grateful that he could see their faces one last time, but also felt terrible that he had asked them to come watch him die. He was asked if he had any last words.

“Forgive me. I love you,” Cedric said to his family. He closed his eyes and waited for death to take him.

Written By: SM Grady

© 2018 SM Grady